50 Funniest Dad Jokes Of All Time

Happy Father’s Day to all Dads out there! You are the head of the family, the strongest pillar of support, and you play such an important role in the lives of your children.

There’s a quote saying “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a DAD.” and that includes the lamest Dad jokes that everyone laughs at no matter how horrible they are. Dad jokes can break any awkward silence and send the whole table laughing to their heart's content. Enjoy this collection of Dad jokes to share with your old man on his special day!

Classic Dad Jokes You Will Never Get Bored of

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  1. What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer? The space bar.
  2. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  3. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.
  4. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner – it was just gathering dust!
  5. I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me!
  6. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  7. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay we’d call them bagels
  8. Today, my son asked “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
  9. Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny?”
  10. What did one light bulb say to the other lightbulb “this party’s lit”
  11. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because it had nobody to go with.
  12. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

 

So-Bad-They're-Good Dad Jokes

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  1. I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a Fanta-sea.
  2. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
  3. What do you call someone with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows.
  4. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack
  5. Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
  6. Why did the invisible man reject the job? Because he couldn’t see himself doing it!
  7. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!
  8. I tell jokes but I have no kids… I’m a faux pa!
  9. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!
  10. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
  11. I don’t go to funerals starting before noon. I’m not a mourning person!
  12. What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea
  13. What would the terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.

“No Pun Intended” Dad Jokes

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  1. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  2. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind – it’s tearable.
  3. Can February March? No, but April May!
  4. Why was the colour green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
  5. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
  6. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  7. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
  8. Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
  9. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble!
  10. I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them works.
  11. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
  12. What does a house wear? Address.
  13. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

 

Corniest Dad Jokes That Will Make You “POP” With Laughter

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  1. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  2. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all its problems!
  3. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
  4. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  5. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  6. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
  7. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  8. The graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
  9. Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
  10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  11. What is it when you have a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!
  12. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

 

Ah, you’ve finally reached the end of our Dad joke collection and we hope that they have made you smile (or laugh!). Speaking of which, have you gotten your Dad a Father’s Day gift yet? If you haven’t, visit our Top 5 Unique Father’s Day 2020 Gifts for some inspiration!

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